Have you got the legs?

You’re given enough warning: last Feburary, all types of above-the-ankle shorts sprung up on runways from Milan to New York. They have given you a year to slim those tree trunks, wax your legs and save up for those heels. Did you take cue?

Thank you for the underwear as outerwear trend that Lady Gaga triggered, now women around the globes are left with no choice, but to wear mini-shorts that threaten to be as revolutionary as the 60s minis. Start from the shortest granny pants, to bloomers; and we have the cycling pants and eventually, the most wearable of them all, culottes.  I blame no one but Prada and Marc Jacobs. They set the catwalks ablaze with all types of imaginable shrunken trousers. And the other named offenders are Stella McCartney, Alexander Wang, Louis Vuitton, Chloé…

Well, to be absolutely honest with you, I don’t see granny pants as ever being a practical enough outfit to be worn daily. Do you see yourself queuing in Tesco for that pint of milk, and not attracting any unwanted attention? How about in the office, and not being sent home for ‘more appropriate officewear?’. No. So fair enough, leave the granny pants to Rihanna, Sienna Miller and Lady Gaga alike. Who actually have the guts/the admirable pins to work the impossible.

But if you’re ever so inclined to lead the trend. Don’t just get a pair of black Triumps Sloggi pants. Topshop has some pretty awkward offerings of sequined and floral pants. Promise me: 1) you won’t wear it during the day. Or you’ll truly give the strolling pensioners a heartattack. 2) Do these exercises daily and trim the legs! 3) Sky-scraper heels and finally… the golden rule of fashion 4) Legs or boobs. Not both!

Then cometh the bloomers category. Children’s nappy pants. Alexander Wang has done it so brilliantly that you don’t even feel that pricklish feeling when you look at these pictures (below left). It’s just sports. And while with Dolce&Gabanna’s interpretation, you may treat it as another dominant trend of Lolita. A lot of florals, a lot of blings,  a lot of lace…

To work these off the runway. You’ll need a statement sporty tee-shirt. Baggy and cropped above the navel. Ones with hoods are better as they look more hocky-ish or rugby-esque. If you’re genuinely a public school snob: a navel blue/white stripped Ralph Lauren shirt will do the trick just fine. A short parka will work too. Then you need a warm jumper, grey is the season’s first. If the shoulders are pleated, they are the better as the whole world is still gripped by the Marc Jacobs sporty jumper frenzy… Not to mention the Burberry raincoat, pleated on the shoulder aussí.

Or, if you’re more demure, take cue from Stella McCartney. Take the sandy palette, head to Zara. Grab yourself a hip-lengthed blazer and a pair of mustard bloomer/culoutte. Cinch with a brown leather belt with a plain buckle.

R-L: Topshop, Next

For the Dolce&Gabanna type Lolita floral bloomers. Next does the best imitation with a lace hemline. It’s only £25! Also Topshop does a less boudoir version made of cotton.

R-L: Topshop, Topshop and River Island

Stella McCartney’s look with a plain blazer and a sheer lace top: bang on trend. And the Net-a-porter interpretations of the Chloe classy bloomer shorts.

Here are the catwalk interpretations:

DKNY, Louis Vuitton and VPL

Cycling shorts are more tricky. Even ASOS and net-a-porter can only come up with a full length t-shirt over cycle shorts. But let’s face it – ain’t that a bit unimaginative? Well, let me capture a few best of the best editorials for you…

Lastly, ASOS satisfies all your insatiable shorts needs this season:

On this note, I’ll leave you to do your exercises! How about shopping in heels?


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